Archive for March 12th, 2010

My View on Love

Firstly, let’s narrow down the scope of love we’re talking about to a traditionally romantic relationship between two loving persons, merely for the sake of simplicity.

Now, what is true love, and what is soul-mate? Some people say, when you meet someone to whom out of nothing your platonic affection impulsively grows up to an irrational level, such that you will hurt more if s/he is hurt, and such that you can accept the her/his imperfection, and such that it will be never ending, s/he is your soul-mate, and and this feeling is called true love. But do they really exist?

Let me talk about soul-mate. My skeptical view on it is that it doesn’t exist. Why? Because what we basically do is just to find the locally (i.e., among the people that we have the chance to meet in our life) and subjectively (i.e. depending on our characteristics) best person to almost perfectly mate with. Well, when you find this person, you can define her/him as “soul-mate” if you’d like, though I’d rather not, since such term needs a great deal of pre-determined divine intervention, and I personally believe in a mix of determinism and free-will. Another thing is that, depending on your life decision, e.g. whether you want to stay at your hometown or relocate to another city or even country, you may end up with different persons. Wait, non-unique soul-mate?

Next, true love. When you are trying to achieve an everlasting relationship with another person, you need to work it out. Mating is a thorough process. Whereas, I regard true love is a rather instantaneous process, and this contradicts with the fact I previously mentioned. And the process, my brothers and sisters, is trial-and-error in nature. There are those lucky bastards who only need one of such attempts, but many of us require more than one trials in order to find this person, since emotions can change over time and relationships may fail. And of course, the process involves finding wrong persons, heart-breaking drama, divorces, asymmetric passions, and so on, such that some people go crazy and decide to jump off the topmost level of a skyscraper. With these premises, in my opinion, that concept doesn’t exist in reality.

True love and soul-mate are just matters of perception. Mathematically speaking, it is a function of, at least, your characteristics, her/his characteristics, the current state of relationship, your current emotion and her/his current emotion. When love blooms, your partner is the most beautiful person in the world. When hatred grows, even single word from her will sound like a scratched zinc. Illusion.

As such, I also additionally despise the concept of love at the first sight, which I used to adore. There is no such thing as it, but I’d rather believe in the existence of lust at the first sight. O boy, when you meet a hot chick and your heart suddenly beats, like, faster, that is lust at the first sight, but please take a note that when you meet a beautiful and gorgeous girl and your body still responds in the same way, that is also a lust at the first sight. You only like her physical appearance, which is just a tiny aspect of her. Do I make myself clear enough?

For the so-called love to exist, you really need to know the backgrounds and the characteristics of your partner. That’s why, I adopt this Javanese view of love, “witing tresna jalaran saka kulina”. I perceive it such that love will grow as you are familiarising yourself to the person whom you think is the locally best person. It is to be noted though that the converse thereof doesn’t apply, i.e. when you are working on your relationship with this person, there is no guarantee that at the end of the day love or “tresna” will be blooming. Until that glorious day comes, all the persons who make the attempt will just be another persons to the partner.

To conclude, there is no magic in love. There is nothing really mystical in it, other than the evolution of emotion, that you can fancifully celebrate. Just try your best in finding the most suitable person in your neighbourhood, and that’s it. You may end up marrying different person, depending on the path you choose, and when you can finally get her/him, just maintain the relationship at your best work-rate. All basically only needs one thing: effort.


PS: I would like to deliver my appreciation towards ManusiaSuper, Grace and Takodok for their insightul responses on Facebook, which I include here in my post. Thanks for your comments. 🙂

PPS: I don’t claim my opinion to be the universal truth. Everything is relative, every head has different ideas, and I still think there are holes in my stance.

PPPS: To you. Yes, you. Well, we have ever had a discussion about this, so basically I’m just writing my stance down here on my blog, so as to gain wider attention. 🙂

And this is not menye, OK [-(

lambrtz looks like this


You can write comments in any language that you want, but please bear in mind that I only understand 4 languages: English, Indonesian, Javanese and Malay.



March 2010
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