My View on Love

Firstly, let’s narrow down the scope of love we’re talking about to a traditionally romantic relationship between two loving persons, merely for the sake of simplicity.

Now, what is true love, and what is soul-mate? Some people say, when you meet someone to whom out of nothing your platonic affection impulsively grows up to an irrational level, such that you will hurt more if s/he is hurt, and such that you can accept the her/his imperfection, and such that it will be never ending, s/he is your soul-mate, and and this feeling is called true love. But do they really exist?

Let me talk about soul-mate. My skeptical view on it is that it doesn’t exist. Why? Because what we basically do is just to find the locally (i.e., among the people that we have the chance to meet in our life) and subjectively (i.e. depending on our characteristics) best person to almost perfectly mate with. Well, when you find this person, you can define her/him as “soul-mate” if you’d like, though I’d rather not, since such term needs a great deal of pre-determined divine intervention, and I personally believe in a mix of determinism and free-will. Another thing is that, depending on your life decision, e.g. whether you want to stay at your hometown or relocate to another city or even country, you may end up with different persons. Wait, non-unique soul-mate?

Next, true love. When you are trying to achieve an everlasting relationship with another person, you need to work it out. Mating is a thorough process. Whereas, I regard true love is a rather instantaneous process, and this contradicts with the fact I previously mentioned. And the process, my brothers and sisters, is trial-and-error in nature. There are those lucky bastards who only need one of such attempts, but many of us require more than one trials in order to find this person, since emotions can change over time and relationships may fail. And of course, the process involves finding wrong persons, heart-breaking drama, divorces, asymmetric passions, and so on, such that some people go crazy and decide to jump off the topmost level of a skyscraper. With these premises, in my opinion, that concept doesn’t exist in reality.

True love and soul-mate are just matters of perception. Mathematically speaking, it is a function of, at least, your characteristics, her/his characteristics, the current state of relationship, your current emotion and her/his current emotion. When love blooms, your partner is the most beautiful person in the world. When hatred grows, even single word from her will sound like a scratched zinc. Illusion.

As such, I also additionally despise the concept of love at the first sight, which I used to adore. There is no such thing as it, but I’d rather believe in the existence of lust at the first sight. O boy, when you meet a hot chick and your heart suddenly beats, like, faster, that is lust at the first sight, but please take a note that when you meet a beautiful and gorgeous girl and your body still responds in the same way, that is also a lust at the first sight. You only like her physical appearance, which is just a tiny aspect of her. Do I make myself clear enough?

For the so-called love to exist, you really need to know the backgrounds and the characteristics of your partner. That’s why, I adopt this Javanese view of love, “witing tresna jalaran saka kulina”. I perceive it such that love will grow as you are familiarising yourself to the person whom you think is the locally best person. It is to be noted though that the converse thereof doesn’t apply, i.e. when you are working on your relationship with this person, there is no guarantee that at the end of the day love or “tresna” will be blooming. Until that glorious day comes, all the persons who make the attempt will just be another persons to the partner.

To conclude, there is no magic in love. There is nothing really mystical in it, other than the evolution of emotion, that you can fancifully celebrate. Just try your best in finding the most suitable person in your neighbourhood, and that’s it. You may end up marrying different person, depending on the path you choose, and when you can finally get her/him, just maintain the relationship at your best work-rate. All basically only needs one thing: effort.


PS: I would like to deliver my appreciation towards ManusiaSuper, Grace and Takodok for their insightul responses on Facebook, which I include here in my post. Thanks for your comments. 🙂

PPS: I don’t claim my opinion to be the universal truth. Everything is relative, every head has different ideas, and I still think there are holes in my stance.

PPPS: To you. Yes, you. Well, we have ever had a discussion about this, so basically I’m just writing my stance down here on my blog, so as to gain wider attention. 🙂

And this is not menye, OK [-(

18 Responses to “My View on Love”

  1. 1 lambrtz 12/03/2010 at 10:32 PM

    But it seems like I’m just refuting my definitions of true love and soul-mate, not the objects themselves. 😕

  2. 2 Grace 12/03/2010 at 10:43 PM

    *baca secara cepat*
    Ga kok, ga menye, but I dont think calling you Tin Woodman is the right thing to do, you’re more likely like the scarecrow 😛
    *penjelasan japri aja ya* :mrgreen:
    Komen lebih serius nanti ya, ini bacanya dan komennya buru2 sih 😛

  3. 3 itikkecil 13/03/2010 at 1:42 AM

    i agree with you. it’s depend on your effort
    cinta kalau tidak dipupuk lama-lama akan layu juga
    *curcol lagi*

  4. 4 dnial 13/03/2010 at 2:15 AM

    You make it looks so simple.

    A girl you like, you put your best effort to get her like you back, and end up in a court with restraining order. 😛

  5. 5 Mizzy 13/03/2010 at 2:24 AM

    IMHO, “cocok” pun kadang kriterianya bisa berubah dari waktu ke waktu atau ketika bertemu dengan orang lain setelahnya. Intinya memang tancapkan komitmen dan jaga hubungan itu..

    *termenung tengah malam*

  6. 6 Snowie 13/03/2010 at 2:31 AM

    Mostly agree with ur opinion. But I still believe in God intervention.

    Lately I just experienced that there’s no such love at the first sight.

    To love is to deal with our partner’s characteristics and behaviour.

    Moreover, to get married with someone is to have a deal with all of those situation involved.

    Btw, before find this post, I’ve been thinking about love and marriage… and I have a plan to share it in my blog. Ugh~ I hope my mood not going down after reading and commenting in here.

  7. 7 Ando-kun 13/03/2010 at 2:56 AM

    As I told u before in our YM chat. Enjoy your present life and love. Sometimes, being an ignorant as a youngster is a gift.
    A small present for both of you:

    btw, I don’t believe any true love and soul-mate. I watch too much movies, read a bunch of books and listen a plenty of songs to find that mystical words. But you can use that words to get any girl that you like, if you have to :mrgreen:

  8. 8 Gentole 13/03/2010 at 4:13 AM

    Everything you say is wrong. :mrgreen:

  9. 10 lambrtz 13/03/2010 at 11:44 AM

    …scarecrow? 😕 *bingung*
    Sure lah, nanti aja habsi tugasnya selesai 😀

    Wah punya pengalaman demikian Mbak?? 😯

    Life is simple! Nothing is (im)possible, yeah! :mrgreen:

    A girl you like, you put your best effort to get her like you back, and end up in a court with restraining order. 😛

    That’s one life path you may end up on, lad. And will she be a soul-mate to you? 😐

    Nah itu dia. 😀

    I, too, believe in God intervention, as in determinism. But ya itu, buat saya Tuhan sih menyediakan pilihan, dan ya…itu tadi. :mrgreen:

    Eh tulisannya diselesaiin dong, pingin tahu pendapat orang-orang mengenai hal ini dari sudut pandang yang berbeda. 😀


    Sometimes, being an ignorant as a youngster is a gift.

    And this is like being so un-me. :mrgreen:

    But you can use that words to get any girl that you like, if you have to

    And I can expect to hear “Meh” from her lips. :mrgreen:

    May I beg for explanations, Dear Sir, for I can see you trolling here. :mrgreen:

    Wah lagunya bagus 😯
    Dan Shiina kawai~ ❤

    Ah, anyway, I beg to differ. Love, if it means ultra caring, may exist, it's just that it needs process. 😀

  10. 11 Ceritaeka 13/03/2010 at 2:22 PM

    Cinta itu soal rasa 🙂

    Pepatah jawa itu saya pegang juga… Semua yg pernah jd pacar (weleh kesannya pacar gue banyak hahha :mrgreen: ) selalu berawal dari persahabatan dulu… Can be said, itulah proses seleksi utk menggaungkan gong bahwa manusia itu cocok jd kekasih 😛

    Gak suka true love… based on experience org2 yg ngaku2 true love berubah jd seorang posesif yang sangat mengerikan…

    Nice wiken 😉

  11. 12 lambrtz 13/03/2010 at 2:46 PM

    Semua yg pernah jd pacar […] selalu berawal dari persahabatan dulu… Can be said, itulah proses seleksi utk menggaungkan gong bahwa manusia itu cocok jd kekasih

    Kalau menurut saya sih, ndak mesti bersahabat dulu juga bisa. Cinta dimulai dari lust pun bisa, cuman terlalu dini untuk mengatakan itu cinta. Tapi ya, kembali ke pepatah tersebut. Butuh proses. 😛

    Gak suka true love… based on experience org2 yg ngaku2 true love berubah jd seorang posesif yang sangat mengerikan…

    😯 Baru tahu…ada contoh kasus Mbak?

    Eh BTW komen saya di tempat Mbak Eka masuk moderasi…

  12. 13 yan9n 14/03/2010 at 5:48 PM

    oh… naruhodo…
    I’m not sure whether true love exists or not, but somehow, sometimes, I do believe that there is the real true love…
    but not that kind of love, yang menye-menye, yang ada bumbu romantis-nya, yang… ah… in my own perception, that’s not the true love… so, what is true love… I think everyone has their own opinion…

    *kok tumben posting beginian???*

  13. 14 lambrtz 14/03/2010 at 6:02 PM

    …which reminds me of something I forgot to mention: true love is an utopia. :mrgreen:

    Eee…kenapa ya posting beginian? :-”

    Eh, blogmu kok ilang Mas? 😕

  14. 15 Felicia 14/03/2010 at 11:15 PM

    I wrote about this a long time ago… :mrgreen:
    I believe in destiny, and I also believe in freewill…
    Love is the combination of both… 😀

  15. 16 Takodok! 15/03/2010 at 9:23 AM

    True love, soulmate, keduanya pasti punya tanggal kadaluarsa. Jadi tak usah iya-iya betul lah

  16. 17 Ceritaeka 15/03/2010 at 7:47 PM

    Lam… itu berlaku solitude buat gue ajah koq…
    Selama inih yg sukses jd pacar biasanya bersahabat dulu, kalo dari awal udh menunjukkan gejala PDKT, gue malah kabur ketakutan hehehe 😛 tapi tiap orang jelas beda2 lah caranya 😉 mau lust dulu kek ato yg laennya

    Soal true love yg brubah jd monster.. err..anuh… ntar kapan2 private ajah deh.. gak buat publik soalnya 😛

  17. 18 Asop 18/03/2010 at 10:27 PM

    In short, love is beautiful… 🙂

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March 2010
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