The Satan in Me, and on Repressing Him

So despite my image as a Mr Nice Guy *halah*, lately I have done a contemplation and realised that I have some unholy tendencies, some of which I have been having since I was a kid, and are waiting to unleash when opportunities come. Those are:

  • Trollish nature. When confronted with clichéd, orthodox and irrational ideas, I can’t help to raise my libertard soul and activate my killjoy plugin. Ask Mbak Lumiere, she knows this.😛
  • Revengeful heart. I sometimes want to cause exactly the same misfortune to the person previously inflicting it to me, so that s/he can know how it feels to be treated that way. In other words, I want to show that s/he is not the only person who can do that: I can do it too.
  • Reflective behaviour. You do me good and I will treat you good, you do me bad and I will treat you bad.
  • Ten thousand grudges. You do me bad, I can forgive you (well I am a forgiving person), but I will keep it in my mind until some time. Until then, I can’t help to feel uneasy with you. Have had this a couple of times, for years. Back then I had a problem with one senior, maybe I was not polite too in asking, and he scolded me really hard (well he had a reputation for being short-tempered), and I ceased to talk with him for years, even avoiding the place where he likes to dwell.
  • Pissing off the pissed off. Are you angry for no apparent reason? I will be tempted to lure you to an even more catastrophic explosion. A schaudenfraude. When we were still kids, my brother was angry for no good reason, and I made him even angrier.

These are indeed bad things. Jesus says that:

38 You have heard that it has been said: An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth. 39 But I say to you not to resist evil: but if one strike you on your right cheek, turn to him also the other:

Matthew 5:38-39

and also

43 You have heard that it has been said, You shall love your neighbour, and hate your enemy. 44 But I say to you, Love your enemies: do good to them that hate you: and pray for them that persecute and calumniate you:

Matthew 5:43-44

and those passages condemn my tendencies that I mentioned. I ideally endorse pacifism, a passive rebellion, and, also slightly influenced by Buddhism, I also believe that bad emotions are bad and are not supposed to be disbursed at all. These are signs of anger. Hate and anger are very big sins to me, and thank God, I can repress them most of the time. I also suspect my introversion to play a significant role here: I cannot show anger and I must not show it. I always try to act according to the constructed morality set that I create and apply only to myself, but sometimes it fails though, so whenever it happens, I would like to offer my sincere apologies. These, along with greed, might be the big sins I will carry until I die.


PS: Of course I know the alternative meaning of the biblical passage above. It’s still not related to vengeance though, IMO. Liberation theology FTW.:mrgreen:

PPS: By sin, I don’t refer to sin as per its religious meaning, which I don’t really care. By sin, it means causing discomfort to somebody else.

PPPS: Jesus is figure numero zero to me, before John Lennon and Mahatma Gandhi. I wholeheartedly believe that he was pretty much a left-winger figure. Hospitable, compassionate, yet rebellious and courageous inside. A person whom I deeply adore. So I hope you, my dear readers, don’t mind if I put his action here and there. This acts as both my secular and religious manifesto.




Biblical verses source:

15 Responses to “The Satan in Me, and on Repressing Him”

  1. 1 Ando-kun 04/07/2010 at 12:12 AM

    Every single one of us devil inside

    *koq jadi inget Naruto dengan si rase ekor 9 itu yah?*

  2. 2 Pak Guru 04/07/2010 at 3:17 AM

    Nice story bro.

  3. 3 Pak Guru 04/07/2010 at 3:19 AM

    Hahaha saya kayaknya berdosa di poin satu dan lima.😛
    Itu sama-sama berhubungan ke jiwa troll laten gak sih?

  4. 4 lambrtz 04/07/2010 at 3:19 AM

    Huanjrit ngakak lihat openingnya😆

    @Pak Guru
    Halah kampret, lupa dikasih hamedo😆

  5. 5 lambrtz 04/07/2010 at 3:21 AM

    @Pak Guru (2)
    Bisa juga ya😕
    Memang sejak kecil sudah ada bakat ngetroll rupanya kita😆 *eh*

  6. 6 Kurotsuchi 04/07/2010 at 7:20 AM

    well, postingan ini, karena berupa ‘kejujuran’, rasanya mengejutkan sekaligus tidak mengejutkan. poin-1 saya masih bisa menahan diri, karena beberapa orang tolol tidak bisa diajak debat verbal (based on my very experience, sih). jadi saya pernah bilang ke teman saya; “debat itu, awalnya dari otak ke mulut, dan bisa jadi berakhir lewat kepalan tangan”

    nomer 2-5 itu sebenarnya ‘manusiawi’ juga. saya cuman tidak betah sama orang sok suci yang selalu menggurui dan menganggap orang mengalami penyimpangan mental bila sedang terpuruk dan secara jujur mengucapkan kekecewaannya. kalau begitu, maka psikiatri itu harus berada di tangan orang yang liberal dari segi pemilihan sudut pandang, bukan?😉 makanya saya pernah penasaran pengen melihat bagaimana reaksi/tindak-tanduk motivator ketika sedang terjatuh ke titik nadir mereka😆

    last, this is pretty genuine, and -somehow- nice post, mbert😀

  7. 7 sora9n 04/07/2010 at 4:02 PM

    Trollish nature.

    *memandang melecehkan pada troll yang bersembunyi di balik kostum pinguin* [-(

  8. 8 Gentole 05/07/2010 at 9:37 AM

    bagaimana bisa apa yang kau sebut di atas sebagai perilaku setan? yang kulihat semuanya manusiawi.

  9. 9 Felicia 07/07/2010 at 2:43 PM

    I cannot show anger and I must not show it

    almost the same with me…
    it sucks sometimes, I wish I can be more open when I’m mad at someone, instead of being quiet and let them guessing what I feel…hmmm…
    Btw aren’t they just the tipical of melancholic person?

  10. 10 itikkecil 09/07/2010 at 10:42 AM

    after all, you’re only human.
    anyhoo… we have a lot in common😀

  11. 11 Ceritaeka 09/07/2010 at 12:39 PM

    Tiap manusia punya sisi gelap koq Nic😛
    balance namanya
    kalo gak begitu, udh jadi malaikat dunk😀

  12. 12 jensen99 09/07/2010 at 5:43 PM

    The road to became Saint Lambrtz…

  13. 13 lambrtz 11/07/2010 at 9:23 PM


    Biasanya kan kalau manusia berbuat jahat yang disalahin setan :-”

    In my case, I still won’t let them even guess my madness, as I usually still either be quiet or flee. I’m trying to be more open though.😀

    Introvert person?😀

    Padahal jadi malaikat pencabut nyawa kan keren Mbak ya, melankolis😀

    Orang macam saya mana bisa jadi saint😛

  14. 14 Felicia 12/07/2010 at 10:07 AM

    Biasanya kan kalau manusia berbuat jahat yang disalahin setan :-”

    Dan saya pun jadi teringat beberapa hari yang lalu sewaktu naik bus jurusan Cikarang-Blok M.
    Seorang pengamen naik tapi dia tidak memainkan gitar atau bernyanyi.
    Malah bercerita, cerita pendek soal setan yang mengadakan kongress karena mereka sudah lelah jadi kambing hitamnya manusia.
    Sayang, saya tidak dengar akhir ceritanya karena di atas bus itu bising sekali😀

  15. 15 安藤君 13/07/2010 at 7:59 PM

    The most dangerous ENEMY for human might be SATAN and the companions…………… but Jesus says LOVE your ENEMY:mrgreen:

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