Archive for August 20th, 2011

The Current State of Mind

I still remember when I was slightly younger, I always believed in this song, that all we have to do is to give peace a chance. However, it seems to me that my mind has flipped inside out. Ever since that period, I started growing hatred, cynicism, derision, towards many people of different characters, yet still sharing one same trait: that they fail to fulfill my expectations, either morally, ideologically, ethically, behaviourally, in achievement, in effort, in value, etc. I realised that I have far too high of a moral standard, one which I see many people fail to achieve. I started being judgmental, although this is not new; I have been judgmental since I was a kid, although I had been successful in its suppression for quite some time. I start checking people’s marriage statuses. Among all married members of Monty Python, only Terry Gilliam and Michael Palin have not had a divorce. David Beckham and Victoria Adams, despite some gossips, remain loyal to each other. And Samuel L. Jackson successfully managed to get out of his hometown to further his career, whereas, as he told The Guardians, “lots of my contemporaries never left Chattanooga.” (source) He has been married to the same wife for more than 20 years too, as well as possessing a family friendly image. I hope this continues for him. Anyway, the cool part of the story is, I might walk my later life with rigidity, enough to protect me and my family from strong tornadoes, yet enough to hack somebody’s back if s/he is not up to my expectation. I know, this is futile, this is fatal. But I don’t know what to do from here. I was told to lower my expectations, especially towards people not related to me, just to invoke a bit of calmness, but I don’t know, I haven’t been successful in doing that in the last few months.

lambrtz looks like this


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August 2011
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