Shame

I just finished [Hadashi no Gen 2], which is the sequel of the anime I watched yesterday and wrote about here. I really adore this kid Gen (who turns out to be the reflection of the author himself), who at his early age is able to act bravely and independently, often crossing morale boundary, to help his mother and adopted brother. In fact, I really adore the Nakaoka family. Daikichi (such a manly name), a father with a “traitorous” but enlightened mind, yet still being able to provide protection, safety, financial support, and care during a dark period in Japan’s history. Kimie, probably the portrayal of an ideal yamato nadeshiko, a caring, kind woman who is willing to sacrifice and provides love even when she is ill and suffers from malnutrition. But in this post, I want to write about how I can somehow relate my life with this movie. Although not in a good way.

Our family had the “privilege” to experience one natural disaster, [the 2006 Yogyakarta earthquake], among the biggest and devastating we ever see in our entire life. Even our relative, the sibling of one of my paternal grandparents (I can’t remember precisely her relation to us), said that she had seen no bigger earthquake in Yogyakarta in the last 1 century. Because the back of our home was deemed too unsafe, it was destroyed, and we had to sleep in a small building my late uncle (he died several years before that) built. All I remember now is how I always complaint about how hot it was there when taking a nap, and how sickness was always transmitted from one person to another because we all had to sleep there in one room. Hell, that disaster was big, but it was not as big as the Hiroshima atomic bomb, yet I cannot remember any good thing I did at that time. And I was the oldest son, and I was almost 20. And many friends suffered more than me: a friend’s house was totally wrecked, and another friend lost his grandma. Yet I always complaint. Even I didn’t help much in the house reconstruction, and my final year project was also delayed, because I got frustrated easily (well I admit it was tough to do a project on a topic with not many experts available around) and seemed to waste much time in playing PES and Dota, although fortunately I could still graduate on time.

In the last few years, I have learnt my lesson that it is life challenges and hardness like this which shape people’s mentality. That’s why I believe Gen will grow up to be a tough man. In my case, however, even though I don’t come from a rich family, I grow up in a somehow more comfortable environment. Yes there are shits here and there, but compared to other people’s lives (even maybe compared to those of my parents’ when they were young), I think I can consider myself lucky. This is indeed a privilege, but on the other hand I feel that I am not challenged enough to grow a mature mentality, a mentality which can help me endure every darkest possibility human civilisation ever experiences. I feel ashamed due to this.

Well, what happened in the past has passed, I made terrible mistakes in the past, and there is no way I can fix it as it seems to me people already forget it. So I can only learn from this and do better and be tougher from now on.

To close this post, I am surprised to see how I can write a post containing such thought, a real far cry from what I wrote about 3 years ago [link, no 1]. [emo]This lambrtz phase 2-thingy seems to make me darker than ever deep inside[/emo], but at least I am better-informed.

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5 Responses to “Shame”


  1. 1 AnDo 08/07/2012 at 12:07 AM

    Daikichi = 大吉 = extremely have a good luck -> manly name? :-/
    Is he a gambler?

  2. 2 lambrtz 08/07/2012 at 12:11 AM

    I fancy Japanese names starting with Dai- 😛

  3. 3 AnDo 08/07/2012 at 6:46 PM

    Dai-hatsu, Dai-wa, Dai-ichi

    eerrr…. manly companies?


  1. 1 Agnes Chan – Hinageshi no Hana, dan Mid-life Crisis pada Usia 20an (?) « lambrtz's Blog Trackback on 04/08/2012 at 2:42 AM

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